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2012-01-15T08:21:00.001-08:00

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Why the self sabotage .... argh! Any good therapist out there?!

2011-09-05T02:47:00.001-07:00

It's been a bit rough lately, I am going to try a new old method of weight loss. That being a nutritional shake fast/meal replacement. I am officially going on a family cruise Nov 27th for a week, it's a blessing and a curse, the blessing obviously being a week long cruise, the curse being it will be my first post divorce "family function" and the last one prior to that was with my wife kids and her family. The quotes are due to the fact it is going to consist of, my father, brother and his wife, sister and her husband, and nephew along with wife and my two other single nephews (both in early twenties). As far as the cruise goes i'm sure it will be splendid, Royal Caribbean 7 day Western Caribbean, you can't go wrong with that. However being a self professed "man of size" I must confess there are some logistical issues. Now for any non obese individual you may want to check out to the next paragraph for everyone else i'll share the details. On a cruise the bathrooms are EXTREMELY tight, I mean shower right next to the commode, which is one of those wall mounted jobs (weight limit 350 lbs) which I literally do a semi squat so not to rest my full weight on the commode/break it. On my last cruise (which was in 2007 or 2008) I weighed in at a tiny 465 lbs (please note sarcasm) and was on an weight loss mission, we're talking I used the gym on the Disney Magic and even worked out with a trainer!

For me to get to that weight it would require right at a 100 lbs weight loss in 12 weeks. That's manageable/realistic right (again with the sarcasm), now I must confess when I did the program before (circa 1994 and 2009) I did lose right at 100 lbs in 12 weeks, however I was 24 and 39 not 41! This time is different, I never had issues of non eating/binge eating like I've been suffering from recently. The frustrating part is I know the nutritional steps I need to be doing eating wise and still don't do it. I've even taken graduate level courses in biochemistry, organic chemistry and nutrition and know the scientific undertones.However that doesn't seem to trump the lacking mental aspect i'm now dealing with. For the first time I really am starting to feel the desire to retreat and not leave the house. I went to get the newspaper and a guy rides by on a Harley and yells "lose weight" I felt like yelling hey a$# hole I've lost over 100 lbs from my heaviest weight! I know I just have to "do it" but am frustrated and want to know what's changed, i've tried starting this a couple of times and can't make it though a day, i'll blend a shake, drink it then at midnight or later go to Taco Bell or WhataBurger, and drop $20 on a meal. This after me doing the same plan twice in my life, both times over months each duration and losing over 100 lbs each time, that's another story :)

Well i'm going to get started officially on Tuesday with my weigh in, and tomorrow/later today i'm going to go for drinking 8 glasses of water and skipping the $20 meal tap at insert fast food restaurant of choice. I'm also going to shoot to start updating blog at least three times a week, we'll see on that one :) Hope you have a safe and great Labor day!

Some hard truths I'm finally ready to accept.

2011-08-21T19:04:00.001-07:00

I'm working on a really exciting new project that will be huge when it comes to fruition, however it's going to require me to lose weight, a lot of it for it to happen, since it's in the fitness industry. I want to become a personal trainer, however this project is much bigger than that. It's really scary thinking about it, but I realized this weekend it's going to come down to me, nobody else can do it. I know that sounds so obvious but ultimately that is the case for all of those trying to be healthy or lose weight. Regardless of how much support you have it boils down to me or you, we make the choices on what we eat or whether or not to exercise. It's an excuse and crutch i've used for over ten years when I was married, my wife didn't support my efforts and ultimately helped me add 300 + pounds. That was my excuse, it's easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility, well today i'm going on record, I was lazy and chose the couch over the gym. I needed a cheerleader, and unfortunately that wasn't my wife, now after a year being divorced i'm gonna fess up.

I went to Dallas this past weekend to try out for Biggest Loser, maybe the fourth time would be the charm... well nope it wasn't. The last time I tried out was with my wife about 2-3 years ago. I have told myself I needed to have someone to push me and hold me accountable, this is true, but they're not gonna do it. It sucks, but I can either "Just do it" or die prematurely, it's that simple. Don't want to be a downer but it finally clicked, even with friends, nobody can do it for me. So i'm going to do it this week, i'm going to write down some goals and get back too the basics, I know what I need to do, now I've just gotta do it. Hope you have a great week, drop me a line if you need any encouragement i'd love to help.

"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. "

2011-07-25T03:30:00.001-07:00

What iconic movie is that from? It's from one of my favorite movies A Knight's Tale, and as I was pondering its meaning I thought it pretty well sums up most past of my weight loss attempts. Even recently if I were to take a critical look at my recent efforts it would still be quite fitting. I'm done making excuses, at this point I could dwell on the things that have not wound up quite as I'd liked them to have; or focus on what I can do to change things for the better, just like you can.

I was going through my list of bloggers I follow and as expected there were probably over half of them that were no longer active or updated, just as my site had not been updated for so long. The pessimist in me can only assume the people probably got tired/failed and moved on. However I'm going to choose to highlight those who are either continuing the battle to regain their health or to maintain their successful weight loss. Bloggers like Stephen Vinson whose blog WhoAteMyBlog.com details his incredible journey from 632 to his current weight of 362 pounds, a weight loss of 270 pounds in 29 months. Or Dustin AKA LosetoGain on Youtube who has lost over 236 pounds in two years. He has been vlogging for over three years and I still remember crying when listening to his reasons he is doing it, and thinking of my reasons I needed to.

It is such a daunting task when I think of how much weight I have to lose, at my heaviest I weighed 667 pounds. It embarrasses me that I could let myself get to that point, but in my almost 11 years of married life put on over 300 pounds, which when you think about it is only a little over 30 pounds a year, but when you are apathetic about food choices or excerise it's easy to see how it happens. The good news is i'm currently around 560 pounds so that's still down over 100 pounds from my heaviest!

Anyway I just wanted to drop a quick line and let you know today I am going to focus on one thing, that's it, and build. Today I am going to get in my water, at least 8 glasses, and go from there. I saw a TV commercial recently that is so fitting, it said, "It doesn't matter how you do it, just do it" easier said than done. With one step forward that's a step in the right direction, and it continues today. Keep up the good fight guys!

A couple for personal victories.

2011-07-11T23:20:00.001-07:00

Well as promised I went and weighed in last Friday, and am proud to say that despite me avoiding the scales for the past six weeks managed to lose 6 pounds, which is quite remarkable since food logging ( or any conscience healthy food choices for that matter) was the the furthest from my mind! The biggest difference i've noticed since embarking on this journey again, is that I will go basically all day without eating, then go on a drive thru binge at (enter fast food restaurant name here) That is going to be one of the first things I change, because i've got to stop putting garbage in and expecting good results. Which brings me to a victory of sorts, that is overcoming my fear of what others think of me.

This past year has been rough going through the divorce but this was the first time for me to have the kids for an extended period, 11 days straight. I know my ex was concerned but I wanted to do my best to enjoy my time with them. One of the things they really wanted to do was to go swimming. When I was married I was a member at Lifetime Fitness, and had always taken the kids there with me to swim, and they loved it, but right now I wasn;t a member and was going to have to find a new pool. That wasn't the biggest thing, it was me and my self conscientiousness of 1. not only my size, but 2, embarrassing my kids because of hearing the remarks of those less considerate kids made toward their dad we've all had to endure. Well I had put it off for 8 days and finally decided I was going to suck it up and face the remarks. I loaded up the kids, sunscreened them up and made it too the water park. The kids loved it, were there remarks, yes, but I chose to ignore them for the sake of my kids enjoyment. Did they hurt, sure, but I knew that was one more reason for me to do it this time. I had faced a personal dragon and slayed it, at least for that day, showing that despite personal negative self talk and reservations I could do it!

I'm going to make it a goal to post at least two updates a week on here, regardless of whether or not they are good, that should help me stay focused on sticking to my goal of getting healthier and losing the weight. Feel free to drop me a line, i'd love to hear from you.

Tap Tap is this thing on ?!

2011-07-08T06:15:00.001-07:00

Okay well it's been a while since i've been around, and I could make a thousand excuses, but since we've heard them all i'll skip that for now.

I'm going to weigh in today, for the first time in a month, i've been a member at Weight Watchers but haven't had any desire to see how i'm doing. I know i've been in a bit of a funk lately and probably just need to go get some happy pills from the dr. but I haven't been able to muster the motivation. I've been looking for resources on improving my feelings of self worth, and how to overcome the negative self talk, so any resources you might have seen would be appreciated!

It is so frustrating to know what I need to/should be doing but be overcome with apathy, and lack of desire, that has to change for my sake and my kids. My ex gave up on me and after almost two years since the separation i've finally accepted it is what it was and moved on. I know I have a ton to offer to my companion, now it's just a matter of working on improving myself and letting that next chapter come when it's time, which is so much easier said than done!

Well enough for now i'll be back later with weigh in update. remember a quote from Harriet Tubman

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

The Fitblogger 30 day Challenge, I'm In are you up for it?

2011-03-07T15:39:00.001-08:00

I'm really glad I came across this challenge (link here), and it couldn't have come at a better time for me. I've never been a big believer in New Year's resolutions, not to say I don't believe in goals; quite the opposite I'm a huge believer in goals, just not the short fading "resolutions"so many people make at the beginning of the year.

One of the cool reminders I found while surfing around the Fitblogger site were setting SMART goals, that is goals that are Specific, Measurable, Action Oriented,Realistic, and lastly Timely. I had heard this acronym in a kinesiology class I had taken, but it was a great reminder. One of the goals of the challenge is to set goals and blog at least once a week preferably on Monday about how we did. So here are my goals:

There are to rewards I'm working towards, the first is the Fitbloggin Conference May 17-20th in Baltimore (link to conference info) It is as the title suggests a conference for health minded bloggers, from novice to professionals in the health care field. I want to take this blog to a new level and this would really help.

My next motivator is a family cruise Nov 25th-Dec 3rd. The biggest motivator here is the fact I want to participate in many of the excursions, and at my current weight it isn't feasible, for that matter the bathrooms in the stateroom are about 5 x 5 and are definitely not "fat friendly", and personally the last time I went on a cruise was back in 2009 and at the time I weighed less than now, and was barely comfortable, but I don't want to miss out on going to the shows or dining at a particular resteraunt because they only have chairs with arms, or booths! Plus many of the activities have a 350 pound weight limit, and I'm nowhere close to sniffing that today, and even if I don't reach it I want to be much closer than i am today. So how am i going to get there?

First off setting some goals so here they are:

Drink 96 ounces of ice cold water or flavored low calorie drinks i.e Crystal Light,Gatorade G2 etc.
Attend my weekly weigh in
Log at least four days worth of food / excersize
Eat less than prescribed amount of food/calories daily
walk at least three days
Start a resistance.weight program
Do at least three blog updates a week.
Drink less than 2 regular sodas per week.
Document my measurements once per month
Work on learning to cook, and discover how to cook healthy for my kids and limit/eliminate chicken nugget "meals"

I also have weekly weight loss goals, but the fitbloggin challenge suggests non weight related goals so i'll keep it to myself for now :) Hope you enjoy and look forward to the journey!

Half empty of half full, which are you?

2011-03-03T23:28:00.001-08:00

It's not a secret one of the most documented characteristics of a successful weight loss is having a great support network. I am fortunate to have a family that supports me in this, but often find myself being able to tell my deepest thoughts to cyberspace easier than my own family, guess its kinda like therapy. One of my favorite pastimes is reading success stories of individuals that have conquered their food demons and lost weight; it is also somewhat of a double edge sword. I was reminded that recently when I read a blog post by someone who had lost a significant amount of weight, and almost appreared pompous and kinda fired me up a little. He had read an article on MSNBC (located here) about how a woman had lost 170 pounds and nothing had really changed about her life other than the size of her a$#, and had been sold a bill of goods about how her life would change when she lost the weight. The bloggers contention was that she was accurate and quote:

"I have the same job. My wife is the same. We live in the same house. When I was featured in CNN and AOL, I was popular for a day, and then it died down.I have not made any money blogging, although I have gotten some sweet coupons.

I do not think I will be world famous for my weight loss. I once thought I would be. We all think that way."

Maybe it's just me and that "fantasy" of becoming an after but I for one refuse to accept the status quo or that life will be the same for me once I lose the weight and get healthier; or maybe I'm just a dreamer, but at least according to John and some Beattles "I'm not the only one" According to Keith Ayoob a professor at Yeshiva University it is described as the "lottery effect" which is "People think that 'if only' they won the lottery, life would be perfect. People who want to lose weight think the same thing." I may be a fool but at this point I have lost everything except for the weight, and it's time for it to go as well!

I'll leave you with this bit of encouragement "Between tomorrow's dream and yesterday's regret is today's opportunity" author unknown. So what are you going to do today? I for one am going to weigh in, work on making better food choices and work out.

Quick progress update...

2011-01-25T00:47:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to drop a quick post updating what's happened since my last post. I met with my doctor as well as a dietitian, and at first was pretty frustrated at their lack or a sense of urgency for me and my need to lose weight. I'm not sure how much of it is related to political correctness, but I know for me if I'd gotten a stern warning in the past it might have saved me from where I wound up at. Note to medical professionals I'm morbidly obese and if I don't do something drastically to my current weight I will leave the unpleasant task of burying me to my father (since my recent separation/divorce). My father has been responsible for burying both his parents and two spouses (my biological mom, and his second wife my subsequent 2nd mom of almost 25 years), it's very selfish and not right for me to pass along that burden from something that I can change and have ultimate control over. However here's what i've done :

I went to the hospital and weighed in and as of 1.11.11 I weighed in @ 601.1 lbs, which means I have maintained a 66 lbs loss since my last serious attempt in Feb of last year.
Met with my dietitian and have a follow up visit on 2.1.11
Will weigh in again prior to seeing my dietitian.
Have started a walking plan, with a goal set of walking to nearest gym (4 miles from my house). I currently don't have a car, and in TX there is very limited public transportation.
Planning on two major events this year, first is to do a century bike race (100 mile) and secondly to do the Susan G Koman 3 day event. the reasons I chose at least these two event are because my biological mother passed away from cancer when I was in ninth grade, and one of the types she had was breast cancer and; I've wanted to do a particular bicycle race for over ten years and have never done it, so now's the time it's long overdue!
Have measured out a course and started walking it. My goal is to join the gym by Feb 28th, meaning I would have worked up to 4 miles (one way) by then

I walked .66 miles today with my faithful furry companion (dog) Callie and am looking forward to doing a mile later today!

In closing what are your thoughts about the new A&E show Heavy? I'll post mine later this week, but i've been very impressed with their approach, and really hope it does well, but more on that later.

I am going to die....

2011-01-06T23:46:00.001-08:00

and so are you! Quite a harsh intro but everyday I am subjecting my body to the excess weight I am hearkening a premature exit, and my days of going quietly are OVER!

This past year was hard, but too bad life's not fair, and excuses will no longer be tolerated! Sorry if I'm abusing the exclamation marks but I went to the doctor today and am extremely frustrated; I am morbidly obese, and there is no sense of urgency from my primary care physician. Everyday I am subjecting my heart to excess stress due to my weight and in today's day of political correctness sometimes the truth hurts but the alternative would hurts those I love much more. I will no longer go quietly! I am taking on the mantra of the "Militant Fat Man!" because regardless of what society thinks I am worth as much as the next person regardless of my size. I am no longer going to tolerate the under the breath jabs from youth or others, and if they are going to laugh then that's fine I'm not going to try and hide or act like it doesn't hurt. As a christian I know the Bible says "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13 and I am determined this year to rebuild my temple. This year I will get to the bottom of what motivates me to sabotage my efforts and will emerge victorious in my quest to improve my health. In my quiet time this morning I read the scripture below which I think is very applicable to my circumstances last year and what the future holds:

¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
¹⁸ The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

¹⁹ The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the LORD delivers him from them all;
²⁰ he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.

Psalms 34:17-20

I am not going to normally post stuff from my times of meditation, but felt encouraged by my readings and wanted to share. I've got an appointment set up for next Tues to see a dietitian and get a food plan. I know the science behind it but she is going to help me with the psychological aspects of it and I can't wait! I've started walking and am going to add distance each day, I looked and found a gym 4 miles from my house and since I don't have a car i'm going to make that one of my first goals, however in the meantime i've got some new tunes downloaded for my ipod and am ready to start!! In the words of one of my favorite musical artist Eminem....

Today's song of the week "I'm not afraid"

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Intro)

Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

(Verse 2)
.....
Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain't playin' around
There's a game called circle and I don't know how
I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This f@$&*ing black cloud's still follow's me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These mothef$%#&#s are doing jumping jacks now!

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realise what you did, believe me you......

Wow the Bible and Eminems' Fbombs in the same blog post that's a first for me :)

Stevo out

Why is it so hard to get started?

2011-01-04T01:15:00.000-08:00

I guess that is the million dollar question, if there were a simple answer everyone would be doing it. 2010 was definitely a very rough year for me on multiple fronts. I got divorced, moved in with my father, lost my business, was hospitalized multiple times, went on disability, suffered a very bad case of depression and came very close to losing the desire to live. I also faced the thought of finding a new church home since I had become ostracized at my church home of 15 years due to the divorce, I also half-joked that my wife got all our friends in the divorce since 95% of our friends were from church. Although I never had any thoughts of suicide, it was like a perfect storm of negative life changes.

I reached my highest weight EVER of 667 pounds. I went on a weight loss program with my father and was able to lose approximately 70 pounds to get me to my current weight. During the hospital admission process at the particular hospital I was at they ask a list of questions that might cause a "stresser" situation (situations you encounter that would cause your immune system to weaken due to life changes i.e loss of job, marriage etc) After answering the questionnaire the nurse said "wow man that is the most yesses I've ever heard, you should be dead" Anyway after reading this I guess the lesson I've learned is if you think it's bad, just think it could be much worse!

Even reading back over the archive I look at the past victories and battles lost, but this time I am determined I will win the war, it starts now, today. I'm determined to make 2011 different, and to be successful achieving my goals.

One of the problems i'm determined to figure out is why I seem to sabotage my efforts and almost seem to want to fail. Some of the negative self talk I battle is my dad repeatedly says "once you get the weight off you will be able to get a job, because like it or not people judge you by your weight", I know this to be true but feel like I currently have very little worth. I know my lack of income/being the provider was a significant reason my marriage failed, and now wake up realizing at my current size, I can't do what I used to and have a long journey in front of me. I can do it, one day at a time and will post my goals tomorrow.

One of the tools i'm adding to my tool belt is going to be consistant blogging. A couple of blogs i've discovered of late are whoatemyblog.com and fitwithapurpose.com. I'm going to make a point of finding/reading a couple of good ones each week. Thanks for reading, and hope together we can reach our goals! Here's to 2011 being the best year yet!

Does this sound like a broken record?

2010-10-01T10:36:00.001-07:00

Well as I sit down to write this I look back at the past posts and wonder what
happened or what did I do wrong? So much has changed, yet so much remains the
same. I was at my all time highest weight and without much effort have lost 62
pounds.

While that is an accomplishment with so much to lose, it's hardly a
drop in the bucket. When I started this blog it was January 2006, Now four
years later I weigh more than I do now than then, but have recently discovered
just how much of this is mental and think that's huge.

So we'll see, I weighed in last night and am ready to start the journey, There
is no quick fixes I know

this and want to spread that message. It's not rocket science we all know that,

what I want to figure out is what makes those succesful with the battle
different than those who throw in the towel. I hope you get something from
this. If you have questions ask I have a network of bariatric experts that i'm
going to tap for help. And so the journey begins .... again :)

I want Biggest Loser- Spoken like Clubber Lang from Rocky III

2009-12-13T18:36:00.000-08:00

More to come soon!

The long road back ….

2009-12-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

I know it’s cliche but it’s what I have to tell myself this so I won’t get frustrated and want to give up. This blog is going to chronicle my journey to live life again! I’m not a professional writer by any stretch as you will come to learn if you spend any time reading my blog. As millions of other people have probably struggled with I lost a significant amount of weight only to eventually gain it back. I’ve felt sorry for myself long enough and am now ready to make the necessary changes, I got my drs. ok so here we go!!

As the name of this blog states i’m trying to lose fat and become more fit. I thought I needed to get on the show "The Biggest Loser", but after trying out three times there’s no more waiting on them. I actually had one of the staffers tell me at one of the casting calls I was “too fat” of course that wasn’t on record but it makes sense. The weight loss target is 150-200 pounds for men and 100-125 for woman based on past seasons. My last weight was 620 pounds and i figure if I can lose 200 pounds maybe i’ll try out again… or at that point just do it on my own. I am an aspiring iron man triathete who can’t run a quarter mile much less a marathon so this is going to take some time, but with a clear plan and goals i’ll get there, I didn’t get this obese overnight and will certainly not loss all the weight overnight as well. Eventually I’d like to motivate others and help educate families on making better eating choices with our busy lifestyles, but first I need to learn myself.

Lastly I know I need to have goals… realistic goals that are acheiveable so here goes:

Short term:

W/E: 12.12.09
Drink 64 oz. of water at least 4 times this week
Go to gym/excersize at least twice
Take measurements and beginning photographs
Stop drinking sugared drinks

A bittersweet new beginning.

2009-11-26T20:01:00.000-08:00

It hasn't been that long since my last post, yet so much has happened. On November 3rd my mother passed away. She had a terminal lung condition that eventually led to her heart failure. During events like the passing of loved ones it can easily lead to depression and loss of momentum with weight loss programs. Barbara (mom) had been a staunch motivator and had helped keep my dad and myself on track, and for so many other reasons I will definately miss her, however instead of stepping back or failing I'm going to use this loss to propel me to do what I should have been doing for quite some time, lose weight!! After visiting her in the hospital just prior to her passing I pinned the following note:

It's in times like today we often call on prayer to help with a situation we're facing. This morning as I was in my car I was flooded with emotions and memories of my mom and growing up. I say mom even though she is not my biological mom, my biological mom passed away from cancer in ninth grade. She passed on the eve of mothers day in May 1986 at Medical Plaza in Fort Worth.

I remember it vividly because as a ninth grader I was in that awkward stage of teen years where I did not realize the wisdom of my parents or the previous mistakes they'd made. I remember getting frustrated by my moms request to see me in my tuxedo. The doctors had told her she had less than a month to live, but they had made similar predictions numerous times before. First with her colon cancer, then breast, and finally this time with her cancer of the lymph nodes. I was frustrated at this request but begrudgingly complied (with the help of my brother who being four years older threatened to kick my @#$ if I didn't) My mother Margaret was a strong Christian woman just as is Barbara. She was my first role model of what it looks like to have a personal relationship with Christ. She would read and pray daily to draw enough strength for the day. After arriving at the hospital that day I realized this time was different. It's often difficult seeing someone you love pass, but if they have a personal relationship with Christ it's much easier, and that's what was different this time. She spoke to each of us individually, first me, then my brother John, than to the collective family unit. She told us to not grieve her death because she was going to get her rewards in heaven, it made it difficult for me to grieve too much when the person dying tells you not to grieve and that she would miss us but would have no more pain or sorrow.

Fast forward two years when my dad met Barbara at a grief recovery class at church. It was funny seeing my dad who had cared for my mom for six years battling cancer start dating again. He was quite the rico suave in his group but Barbara changed that and tamed the tiger! I remember meeting her and being so impressed that first meeting when she said she didn't want to try and replace my mom she would just treat me as her own and be the best mom and wife as she could be. It was very significant that the word "step" would not be part of our vocabulary, blended yes but step no! All of these memories came flooding back as I drove to see her today. I was sad mainly for my dad because after losing his first wife of twenty five years he would eventually be faced with the loss of his second wife, my second mom of twenty three years.

The last wave of emotion was from the friends I had at the time of Margaret's passing. I remember it being standing room only at our church, Pipeline Road Church or Christ, and me seeing my fellow Rams (Richland Junior High) as well as neighbors and church friends. And now because the greatness of Facebook I have gotten words of encouragement from friends all around the country. Barbara's condition is terminal, but once again I learned how nice it is having friends and family to lean on.

One of Barbara's legacies has been the incredible job she did as a mother and wife. Our family was laughing at times almost to the point of tears today in the waiting room as we waited for her to get out of recovery. It was apparent the amount of prayer we had today, as my feelings of anxiousness faded, and I was hearkened back all the great memories from both childhood as well as fun family moments. It's sad that it normally takes sickness or death to bring families and friends together, I'm just glad that this time around I still have some time to enjoy my mom. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers, I hope this note has accurately conveyed my thoughts.

Steve

Facing our demons

2009-10-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was a big day for me. I faced one of my biggest obsticles and conquered it! Nov 1,2007 I lost a dear friend and mentor/work out partner, John. John was a great rolemodel in almost all facets of his Christian life, he was a great father, wise counsel, great husband, and listener. What made it even more difficult was the fact he was one of my biggest supporters and workout accountability partner. To top that he died of a massive heart attack after doing our normal swim routine in the shower at the pool we swam at. I wasn't there that day, but had spoken to him previously that week. He was the chaplain for the Dallas Cowboys and Texas Rangers, and had acheived great success in his career. You'd never know that talking with him though, he was like a father figure, and would often recount how he'd counseled various players (always keeping their anonymity) and how they'd made it through whatever was challenging them.

Not making excuses but with John's loss and other issues I had never dealt with I sank into a deep state of depression, and basically checked out of life. Leaving my wife to deal with the shattered pieces of me. It went on for over a year before I started "manning up". I can never apologize enough for the personal hell my wife endured, but with God's grace and plan he saw me through it, and as they say if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger and this was no exception. I had slowly started taking more responsibility and returning to my routine and life, except for my weight, and that would change....Monday.

I like many others tend to yo-yo with my weight, and had no clue how much I weighed. Until Monday. Monday I got up and went to the hospital to weigh in, due to my size that is the only scale that will weigh me, and I found out exactly where I was at. I don't want to reveal it today, but let's just say i'm not morbidly obese, nope in Texas everything's bigger and i'm no exception, I'm "super obese" due to my BMI. So initial weight check, gym membership check (and actually using it), and the last demon was my pool. I love to swim and am quite a fish! I had wanted to go probably a dozen times over the past two years but would never seem to make it, until yesterday.

Yesterday that changed, I smashed the psychological demon that had been stopping my from going back to the pool, I was victorious!! It was almost surreal at first, but my friends were still there, Jack and his wife (two retirees who are some of the most fit people I know) the wierd German lady (who wears a flowered swim cap) and owns lane one, as well as other familiar faces! As soon as I got in, I knew I was home and back with lost family just like it was yesterday, and i'm going back, right now actually, so with that I bid you adieue. I hope you have a great day, and if there's anything holding you back, don't let it. Conquer it today, you won't regret it, and it is so freeing and rewarding afterwards so there you have it, Just do it!!

Ready...Here we go!

2009-10-19T07:58:00.000-07:00

As a weight loss yo-yoer, i've said it before, but this time I'm determined to make the changes, expect it to not be an overnight process, and stick to it. It's been a long journey up to this point, but the lessons learned are invaluable and make us who we are. I hope this can be an encouragement to others as well as an accountability tool for myself.

In the past I have asked those who have been successful in losing large amounts of weight for advice or their opinion, well after receiving my last note from someone I considered to be a huge motivator, no more. They seemed dismayed that tens possibly hundreds of obese individuals would come to them for advice. My thoughts to them are if you didn't want or seek the attention of desperate people why do you seem to blog your story and trumpet every time a media outlet asks you for your story. If you don't want to carry that banner and help I gladly will, i'm not after fame or fortune, but dang it there are people dying of thirst, with knowledge being the water they need. If I can help i'm definitely going to, and if I can't i'll educate myself or ask those who do know the answers to help.

Anyway official weigh in is tomorrow, i'll let you know.

Hind sight is 20/20

2009-02-27T22:57:00.000-08:00

I had lunch with a good friend today and looked back on my past experiences and its always amazing things look so differently after the fact. There has been so much thats happened since I launched this site, and i'll never be able to capture the roller coaster it's been. There is one key difference this time around, my wife is finally on board and ready to make the necessary changes which is huge!

In our 9 years of marriage this is the first time she has said and shown she is ready to make the changes needed. Its very different having a common front and goal, and a very exciting change. It was good hearing from a outsiders point of view that when we sell ourselves short there are so many small victories that often get overlooked, which is a good point to remember on those days we feel like giving up.

Reasons motivating me to lose weight in 2009....

2009-02-18T23:15:00.000-08:00

Reasons I want to lose weight.

1. For me.
2. For my wife, so she doesn’t become a widow.
3. For my kids, so they don’t lose a father.
4. So I can go to the mall and buy clothes.
5. So I don’t hear little kids say under their breath to friends or family (he’s fat, gigantic, huge etc. you get the picture)
6. So I can get my private pilots license.
7. So I can walk Maggie down the aisle. (Currently 8)
8. So I can watch Drew’s high school football games. (He is currently 6)
9. So I can walk Katie down the aisle.
10.So I am not dreaded and feared walking down the airplane aisle as they (skinny people) gasp when I say I’m sitting next to them.
11.So I can sit in a resteraunt booth.
12. So I don’t worry about if the chairs in the restaurant has arms.
13. So I can go to a Mavericks game.
14. So I can go to a Cowboys game.
15.So I can go to a Rangers game.
16.So I can go to Reunion arena or the American Airlines center and not fear the width of the chairs.
17.So I can break the cycle and have my kids grow up healthy and not overweight.
18.So I can fit into the size 36 jeans I wore in high school.
19.So I don’t have to wear anything that is “King Sized”
20. So I can sit anywhere in my church sanctuary (has theatre style chairs with few “handicap accessable” chairs.
21. So I don’t have to use the handicap stall at work because of a weight capacity of the non-handicapped wall hanging commodes.
22. So I can trade in the keg for a six pack (stomach muscles)
23. So I can buy clothes that are fashionable.
24.So I can tell the guys at the big and tall what I think of their clothes and prices!
25. So I can run.
26. So I can ride a non-stationary bike.
27. So I can compete in the ironman.
28. So I can ride a roller coaster.
29. So I can enjoy a swim without feeling like everyone is looking at me.
30.So I can run with my dog (haven’t got him yet one of my weight loss rewards)
31. So I can stop taking blood pressure medications.
32. So I stay out of the hospital.
33. So I can ride in a century bike ride.
34. So I can enter my real weight on the Cybex stationary bike.
35. So I can wrap a towel around me and tie it (non-beach towel)
36. So I can enter my real weight on the Lifecycle eliptical machine.
37. So I can wear Dockers again!
38. So I can buy a life insurance policy.
39. So I can inspire others to make the necessary changes.
40. So I can run a 5k with my kids.

Official Project WE kick-off!

2007-04-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

Sent this out today!

Bedford Man Dedicated To Extreme Weight Loss To Help Local Animal Rescue In Need

Bedford, Texas - April 26, 2007 - A local Bedford man has committed himself to extreme weight loss in order to help a local animal rescue organization in dire financial need.

Stephen West, owner and subject of the website LessFatMorefit.com, has teamed up with the Weimaraner Rescue of North Texas (WRNT) to launch Project WE, which is designed to raise money for the WRNT in order to help the shelter pay off more than $10,000 in unexpected debt. WRNT is a not-for-profit rescue organization dedicated to helping save unwanted and mistreated Weimaraners.

West is one of millions of Americans who has been categorized as morbidly obese. Weighing more than 568 pounds at his heaviest, West received a wake-up call last late last year when his obesity contributed to a blood infection that required a prolonged hospital stay followed by weeks of in-home treatment. That was just the drastic wake up call West needed to start making changes necessary to lose weight and adopt a much healthier lifestyle.

"I never really knew how much I weighed because the scales at my doctor's office only went up to 350 pounds," West said. "They really just gave up on weighing me."

While recovering at home, one of West's friends, Beth Sharum, an executive board member of the WRNT, told him about an unexpected financial emergency facing the rescue organization.

"Beth told me that because of some other animal rescue organizations defaulting on veterinarian bills, the WRNT's vet called in their line of credit, causing a $10,000-plus deficit," West said. "I knew those guys didn't have that kind of money just lying around, so I wanted to do something to help"

West and Sharum came up with the idea of donating money for West's weight loss. "For every pound Stephen loses, I'm going to donate $5.00 to the WRNT," Sharum said. "We thought this would be a fun and exciting way to get others involved. They can help out an extremely worthy cause while encouraging Stephen in his weight loss." West added "I'm not even going to count the ninety two pounds I've already lost"

West has committed to update listeners on his weekly LessFatMoreFit.com podcasts.

Tax-deductible donations for the Weimaraner Rescue of North Texas can be made at either LessFatMoreFit.com or Weimrescuetexas.org. Additionally, West and the NTWR will be participating in the Hound Dog Hustle in Grapevine April 28.

"I've got a long way to go, but I have a lot of people and dogs counting on me. I know we'll get there," West added.

# # #

Contacts:
Stephen West - LessFatMoreFit@gmail.com 817 846-6366
Beth Sharum - Bark@Weimrescuetexas.org

--
Steve

Follow my weight loss journey online @ http://www.LessFatMoreFit.com

2007-03-03T18:08:00.001-08:00

Podcast debut!

2007-02-24T15:37:00.000-08:00

Well its pretty rough, but I'm finally committed to throwing it out there. I hope you'll join me on this journey! Check out the player to the left :)

Steve

TLCs' lame response

2007-02-22T12:32:00.000-08:00

This is the response I received from TLC this morning.

Thank you for contacting Discovery Networks. We appreciate you taking the time to contact us.

Suggestions from viewers are very important to us as our viewers can tell us what we can improve upon and what our audience enjoys. Viewer ideas, such as yours, help us create and improve programming. While we share viewer suggestions with our management and staff,unfortunately, due to the high volume of suggestions, we are not able to respond and follow up directly with you about the outcome of the review.

For general information about our schedules and programming, please visitour website at www.discovery.com.A reply to this message is not necessary.

If you have any further inquiries or comments, please contact us via our webform athttp://extweb.discovery.com/ViewerRelations. Thank you again forexpressing your interest in our programming.

Sincerely,
BarbaraViewer Relations
Discovery Networks

The TCL Channel went too far!!

2007-02-21T22:47:00.000-08:00

Recently there was a show on TLC titled "I eat 33,000 calories a day" or something like that which was about 4 super obese individuals who were basically portrayed as freaks. Granted i'll grant you they are extremely rare, but all they seemed to focus on was how much food they consumed and offered no hope or conclusion other than them eating themselves to death. I may be a bit sensative but Discovery channels only seem to focus on the negetivity and hopelessness of being obese instead of offering any solutions. The show reairs on March 7th and 8th but it prompted me to write the letter below to them. If I hear from them i'll let you know.

http://tlc.discovery.com/tvlistings/episode.jsp?episode=2&cpi=55746&gid=0&channel=TLC

apparently I fit your demographic because every time you have a program regarding obesity I seem to watch it. However I'd like to offer a challenge, on a recent show "A man who ate 33,000 calories" you pushed me over the edge, and I had to contact you.

I too am a "super obese" man, however I have hope, something which very few of your shows regarding obesity seem to have. I made the decision to make a change after going to the hospital to weigh-in and discovering I weighed a massive 568.10 lbs. However unlike your shows instead of gorging myself with fattening foods I decided to change and have stopped eating the sugary high fat foods you so brilliantly displayed in your show, and traded them in for much healthier lean meat/vegetable choices. What is so frustrating is you constantly seem to enjoy portraying how much food we (since I too am super obese) eat, instead of showing how people can break the chains of addiction to change their lives. It takes a commitment of one meal at a time/one day at a time, but I have lost 52 lbs and am on my way to getting to a much healthier lean weight and will succeed. My challenge to you is this why don't you film someone like myself and document the change instead of constantly showing problems with no solutions. There are no quick fixes and although the only time you seem to show success is if someone has bariatric surgery I feel that is not the answer for everyone. I personally know of dozens of people who have lost 100, 200, in excess of 300 lbs, without surgery, so why don’t you show some stories of success instead of only portraying a miserable existence of people waiting to die.

I would be happy to take with you, and look forward to your response.

Sincerely,

Stephen West

Reasons motivating me to lose weight ....

2007-02-14T19:26:00.000-08:00

Reasons I want to lose weight.
1. For me.
2. For my wife, so she doesn’t become a widow.
3. For my kids, so they don’t lose a father.
4. So I can go to the mall and buy clothes.
5. So I don’t hear little kids say under their breath to friends or family (he’s fat, gigantic, huge etc. you get the picture)
6. So I can get my private pilots license.
7. So I can walk Maggie down the aisle. (Currently 6)
8. So I can watch Drew’s high school football games. (He is currently 4)
9. So I can walk Katie down the aisle.
10.So I am not dreaded and feared walking down the airplane aisle as they (skinny people) gasp when I say I’m sitting next to them.
11.So I can sit in a resteraunt booth.
12. So I don’t worry about if the chairs in the restaurant has arms.
13. So I can go to a Mavericks game.
14. So I can go to a Cowboys game.
15.So I can go to a Rangers game.
16.So I can go to Reunion arena or the American Airlines center and not fear the width of the chairs.
17.So I can break the cycle and have my kids grow up healthy and not overweight.
18.So I can fit into the size 36 jeans I wore in high school.
19.So I don’t have to wear anything that is “King Sized”
20. So I can sit anywhere in my church sanctuary (has theatre style chairs with few “handicap accessable” chairs.
21. So I don’t have to use the handicap stall at work because of a weight capacity of the non-handicapped wall hanging commodes.
22. So I can trade in the keg for a six pack (stomach muscles)
23. So I can buy clothes that are fashionable.
24.So I can tell the guys at the big and tall what I think of their clothes and prices!
25. So I can run.
26. So I can ride a non-stationary bike.
27. So I can complete the ironman.
28. So I can ride a roller coaster.
29. So I can enjoy a swim without feeling like everyone is looking at me.
30.So I can run with my dog (haven’t got him yet one of my weight loss rewards)
31. So I can stop taking blood pressure medications.
32. So I stay out of the hospital.
33. So I can ride in a century bike ride.
34. So I can enter my real weight on the Cybex stationary bike.
35. So I can wrap a towel around me and tie it (non-beach towel)
36. So I can enter my real weight on the Lifecycle eliptical machine.
37. So I can wear Dockers again!
38. So I can buy a life insurance policy.

Join me in getting more fit with the Presidential Fitness Challenge

2007-02-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

Yes it's the same one we did back in elementary school but they've got some really cool tools.

Check it out. http://www.PresidentsChallenge.org

LessFatMoreFit.com has started a group to take the President's Challenge together And you're invited to be part of it!

Here's what you need to join the group.

Group Name :LessFatMoreFit.com
Group ID Number: 56429
Click here to join http:// www.PresidentsChallenge.org/login/register_individual.aspx

Come on get that Gold medal you always wanted!!

My goals for 2007.

2006-12-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

WEIGHT LOSS GOALS FOR 2007

1. LOSE 10 LBS. BY 12/31/06
2. LOSE 25 TOTAL LBS. BEFORE 2/14/07
3. TAKE WEEKLY PICTURES, MONTHLY MEASUREMENTS
4. EAT ZERO FAST FOOD FOR ONE WEEK.
5. PREPARE AT LEAST THREE HOMEMADE MEALS FOR ONE WEEK.
6. PLAN GROCERY LIST/ MENU PREPERATION FOR ONE WEEK.
7. EAT WEIGHT WATCHERS/ HOMEMADE LUNCHES AT LEAST THREE TIMES FOR ONE WEEK.
8. DRINK 64 OZ. OF WATER AT LEAST 5 TIMES A WEEK FOR 1 WEEK.
9. LOG ALL FOOD FOR 5 DAYS
10. PARTICIPATE (WALK) IN 5K BEFORE 7/16/07
11. BEGIN JOGGING BEFORE 8/1/07
12. PARTICIPATE IN HOTTER THAN HELL RACE 8/25/07
13. PARTICIPATE IN TRIATHALON 9/22/07 (DENISON DASH)
14. BEGIN SWIMMING BY 1/08/07 (LEG WOUND PERMITTING)
15. BEGIN WEEKLY PODCAST BEFORE 1/15/07
16. WEIGHT LESS THAN 500 LBS BY 1/15/07
17. WEIGHT LESS THAN 450 LBS BY 5/14/07
18. WEIGHT LESS THAN 400 LBS. BY 9/10/07
19. PRODUCE AUDITION DVD FOR THE BIGGEST LOSER SEASON 5.

ACCOMPLISHED GOALS

1. WEIGHT / MEASURE MYSELF. COMPLETED 12/18/06 BAYLOR REGIONAL HOSPITAL.

2. DRINK ZERO CARBINATED DRINKS FOR ONE WEEK. COMPLETED W.E 12/17/06 GOING FOR TWO WEEKS.

3. RESEARCH/ BEGIN STRUCTURED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM BY 1/05/07. RESEARCHED WEIGHT WATCHERS JOINING 1/6/07

Getting a wake up call!

2006-12-22T09:03:00.000-08:00

I got a pretty big wake up call this year at Halloween. I really started 2006 off right and was pretty consistent until I suffered a stress fracture in my foot (doctor said it was from my weight and “over doing it”) which pretty much derailed me. My wheels flew off and basically got back into my old habits because of a lack of personal drive and support from family members, I will not make excuses, nobody forced the chocolate or sodas down my throat it was a personal choice, much like I am making now, December 22, 2006. But I digress October 30th I noticed swelling and redness in my right calf which I would learn later was called cellulitous. Cellulitous is brought on by lack of circulation and due to an infection overpowering the immune system. I’m no doctor by any stretch but after a weeklong hospital stay and a month of daily IV infusions 3 X a day I knew that was it. I will not sit on my butt and surrender, I’m still recovering (from an open wound on the back of my leg from the swelling) but have started walking and getting off my rear!!

Get back on the horse

2006-10-06T15:00:00.000-07:00

So I got a ticket today for not wearing my seatbelt. Of course the reason I wasn't wearing it was because I was to fat, but that didn't appear to be a valid defense with the police officer. I'm so ready to eat better and lose the weight it starts today, I will never be the same again. Same old same old will no longer cut it!! Stay tuned!

Reason # 4 to lose weight!!

2006-08-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

This was me at the birth of Katherine Sue our third child. I believe if this wasn't my heaviest it was close!!

2006-08-26T19:20:00.000-07:00

Podcast one

2006-01-23T21:15:00.000-08:00

broadcast debut

This is my first attempt at podcasting, please bear with me as I embark on this new journey.